Recently someone told me that
they didn’t care who their brother was dating, ultimately, they only cared
about their brother…. I started to think about that statement at great length and
decided that I believe you SHOULD care who your loved-one is dating (and marries)!
My brother, who is 6 years older than I am, and I were not terribly close growing up but we loved each other and made time as adults to hang out when we could. He eventually married a woman and my sister-in-law and I became best friends! I was even in the room as she gave birth to my nieces and nephews. Eventually our relationship became stressed and we got into an argument and ended our friendship. When my relationship ended with my sister-in-law, it also ended with my brother. One of the last conversations I had with my brother went something like this…
My brother, who is 6 years older than I am, and I were not terribly close growing up but we loved each other and made time as adults to hang out when we could. He eventually married a woman and my sister-in-law and I became best friends! I was even in the room as she gave birth to my nieces and nephews. Eventually our relationship became stressed and we got into an argument and ended our friendship. When my relationship ended with my sister-in-law, it also ended with my brother. One of the last conversations I had with my brother went something like this…
Mark, “Amy, you are my sister but
she is my wife, the mother of my children. I will stand by her side and support
her decision because THEY are my family now.”
As much as it hurt, I knew that I
had to respect his decision. That was 6 years ago and I haven’t spoken to my brother
since. I whole heartedly respect that he stood by his wife and supported her
decision. In the Bible it clearly says that “a man must leave his mother and
father and unite with his wife, and the two will become one flesh”. My brother
was being a Godly husband. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I learned it.
My sister, who I am very close
with, married a man that is very pleasant, but very different from me. It would
be easy for my brother-in-law and I not to get along because of our different
personalities, but after losing my brother, I knew I had to view these sibling
relationships differently. I could have just focused on my sister and not
paid attention to my brother-in-law; the same mindset as, I love my
sister and don’t care who she is with – but that didn’t seem natural to me. I
decided that I needed to see my brother-in-law through my sister’s eyes. I
watched my sister interact with her husband when I would visit them. I started
to see my sister’s eyes light up when her husband spoke to her. I was able to
catch candid moments between my brother-in-law and my sister. As I watched
their eyes connect, I noticed that speck of happiness in the corner of her
mouth that always seemed to fasten a smile. When he walked by and gently
reached out to touched her, I saw her shoulders drop in comfort and at times
her eye brows raise with excitement. I continued to watch their interactions
and to my surprise, the love I have for my sister began to grow, and eventually
that love spread to her husband. I see my brother-in-law entirely different
now, I see him through my sister’s eyes, I respect and love him for being the
man that my sister chose to spend her life with. He is not an extension of my
family, he is my family.
In my life I have learned that when
a man leaves his parents and unites with his wife, it is the duty of the family
members to fall in love with that unity in order to keep that family foundation
strong. It may not be natural to just love someone because they marry your
sibling or family member, but if you take the time to see that person through
your loved-one’s eyes and embrace their unity, I have no doubt that you will
fall in love and truly gain a new member of your family and your heart will be
full.