Why You Should Care Who Your Loved-one, Loves….

Recently someone told me that they didn’t care who their brother was dating, ultimately, they only cared about their brother…. I started to think about that statement at great length and decided that I believe you SHOULD care who your loved-one is dating (and marries)! 

My brother, who is 6 years older than I am, and I were not terribly close growing up but we loved each other and made time as adults to hang out when we could. He eventually married a woman and my sister-in-law and I became best friends! I was even in the room as she gave birth to my nieces and nephews. Eventually our relationship became stressed and we got into an argument and ended our friendship. When my relationship ended with my sister-in-law, it also ended with my brother. One of the last conversations I had with my brother went something like this…

Mark, “Amy, you are my sister but she is my wife, the mother of my children. I will stand by her side and support her decision because THEY are my family now.”

As much as it hurt, I knew that I had to respect his decision. That was 6 years ago and I haven’t spoken to my brother since. I whole heartedly respect that he stood by his wife and supported her decision. In the Bible it clearly says that “a man must leave his mother and father and unite with his wife, and the two will become one flesh”. My brother was being a Godly husband. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I learned it.

My sister, who I am very close with, married a man that is very pleasant, but very different from me. It would be easy for my brother-in-law and I not to get along because of our different personalities, but after losing my brother, I knew I had to view these sibling relationships differently. I could have just focused on my sister and not paid attention to my brother-in-law; the same mindset as, I love my sister and don’t care who she is with – but that didn’t seem natural to me. I decided that I needed to see my brother-in-law through my sister’s eyes. I watched my sister interact with her husband when I would visit them. I started to see my sister’s eyes light up when her husband spoke to her. I was able to catch candid moments between my brother-in-law and my sister. As I watched their eyes connect, I noticed that speck of happiness in the corner of her mouth that always seemed to fasten a smile. When he walked by and gently reached out to touched her, I saw her shoulders drop in comfort and at times her eye brows raise with excitement. I continued to watch their interactions and to my surprise, the love I have for my sister began to grow, and eventually that love spread to her husband. I see my brother-in-law entirely different now, I see him through my sister’s eyes, I respect and love him for being the man that my sister chose to spend her life with. He is not an extension of my family, he is my family.

In my life I have learned that when a man leaves his parents and unites with his wife, it is the duty of the family members to fall in love with that unity in order to keep that family foundation strong. It may not be natural to just love someone because they marry your sibling or family member, but if you take the time to see that person through your loved-one’s eyes and embrace their unity, I have no doubt that you will fall in love and truly gain a new member of your family and your heart will be full.